Fails at life...

Apped: February 15, 2009
Dropped: September 11, 2011
Total comments: 2128

[on the top of the mess hall, there is a boy with a head full of feathers, eyes that are slowly becoming bird-like, and he's looking toward the sky]

Haha, I suppose it's better this way, isn't it?

(( drop post! spoilers for recent Nabari chapters below. ))

Character: Aizawa Kouichi.
Series: Nabari no Ou.
Character Age: 14.
Canon: It pays off to think ninjas are cooler than pirates. From their secret ninja world of Nabari, they influence everything. Fighting with jutsus (elemental attacks), they separate into different ninja villages according to specialized jutsus called hijutsus. The most powerful, the Shinrabanshou, dictates the King of Nabari. The recent holder is the indifferent Rokujou Miharu who wants nothing to do with ninjas. But this won’t keep him safe, so the pair of ninjas from his village—yes, all two of them—must band together and protect him from the greedy ninja group, Kairoushuu.

One of these ninjas is a classmate of Miharu’s, the enthusiastic Kouichi, who takes being a ninja very seriously. At first glance, Kouichi is a just a normal guy with glasses: he’s intelligent and even speaks somewhat blandly, especially when giving full lectures on arts at the drop of a hat. The most realistic when it comes to ninjaing, he understands that it’s more than embracing techniques. Sometimes, you need to kill to protect another. It’s only necessary for the ninja lifestyle. This rounded attitude often makes him the fall-guy of the group. Need someone to take a hit? That’s Kouichi. He’ll shrug it off and carry on, even if you’ve punched him in the face fifteen times. It won’t break his smile.

[spoiler] Kouichi revealed that he’s an immortal creature kept alive by the wisdom from the Shinrabashou. Despite being alive for several centuries, he maintains his faith in humanity. His personal interest in Miharu is because he wishes to finally die after living centuries waiting for that opportunity to be “released” from a lonely life. He’s shown himself to be an owl, which may contribute to his sage-like disposition and patience when it comes to humans. [/spoiler]

Sample Post: Good evening, toucans of the village of Camp Fuck You Die, and welcome to this evening’s lecture on the usage of jutsus in the destruction of the undead creatures known as “zombies.” There are numerous methods on how to handle these creatures, but I’ll be covering a method specially developed by ninjas to identify and handle them! Don’t be wary about destroying them. These creatures may be willing to offer an arm and a leg for your brains, but it’s not an innocent trade! You must not be afraid of bringing them to the end of their lives. Give them peace from their aimless lives, not a piece of your mind, and use the special techniques outlined this evening.

The first step to using these jutsus is to understand them and apply them in this rural setting. As budding ninjas, you’ll need to appreciate and embrace the art form you’ve undertaken! Merely understanding how you use jutsus is one aspect. You must also be in touch with the elements of life: gold, water, wood, fire, and earth! And of course, these are a part of you, as well. … You shouldn’t start picking at your feathers to look for the gold, as it’s not that easy to find. This isn’t the time for bathing, either, but as long as you keep listening! As I was saying, the five elements of life are a part of lifeforms. The zombies are lacking all of them! By identifying this, you will be able to realize where they’re vulnerable. Do not be hasty in making the decision to move to this step. Many living creatures in this village may continue living after being knocked down! Both the gorillas and goats are known to be saved on occasion given how others respond to their bad touching! Cats are fine examples, as well, with their nine lives. Therefore, I recommend thorough verification before you strike.

Now that we’ve laid down the basics, we’re ready to move into the jutsus themselves … I see you’ve finished bathing, but you shouldn’t turn around and fly away at this point! You may be doubtful, but I swear on my life as a ninja that even toucans are able to perform these techniques. You may think “oh really” in response to that, but yes, really, you will be able to manage it! Seriously, I have no doubt that this will be as simple as taking flight! A few have flown away already. … I’ll need to carry on for the ones remaining! Don’t worry, because you’ll understand after my demonstration.

The technique itself has three simple steps! Step one: cut a hole in the zombie. Step two: put your jutsu in—I see from the way you’re flying toward me with those whirlwinds, that you may not need this display! But be careful before you lose control and—

… send flying me into the water. I feel a tentacle already, and I can’t say I’m prepared to demonstrate how to handle this situation.

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